2015 April

John Dove, not pleased to be spotted emerging from the house of Lady Mary Herbert.

Is Stella Herbert’s charismatic sidekick the real genius behind her audacious bid for a Commons seat or a scandal waiting to happen?

by Paul D. R. Thewunn

Feted in literary circles but little known to most South Thanet voters, poet John Dove is a man of many talents whose recent racy volume is unlikely – to the relief of English teachers up and down the land – to make it onto the A-level syllabus.

Dove is a formidable orator whose words, delivered in his silky and resonant voice, take on the quality of liquid honey. Many have fallen under his spell, and if rumours are to be believed, his sexual exploits make Russell Brand look like Mother Teresa. If he and Stella Herbert cannot keep the closet door firmly bolted, the skeletons are likely to come tumbling out.

Follow the story as it breaks at http://bit.ly/Stella Europa

Dove’s association with Herbert began in the corridors of academia but has now burst onto the streets of East Kent, where the novice Green candidate is aiming to stop Nicholas Formio becoming the British Independence Party’s first UK MP.

In 2013 Dove took up a guest lectureship in Herbert’s philosophy department. From the beginning, his passionate engagement with – and descriptions of – the sufferings of the common man chimed well with her teachings on eighteenth-century ethics. Both share a vision, inspired by the Enlightenment, of a unified humanity that transcends social, political and geographical divisions.

Dove and Herbert have a mountain to climb in South Thanet. Their intellectualism, however passionate and well intentioned, is unlikely to gain much traction against the beery “no more nonsense” blokiness that Nicholas Formio has trademarked. Herbert’s discursions on the economic philosophy of Hume and Smith may inspire voters to do little more than take a nap.

“The country is full.” Formio’s clear and simple message has obvious appeal for voters in South Thanet, where unemployment is over 12%, housing is scarce and primary schools are oversubscribed. Herbert counters that “peace in Europe is an extraordinary achievement, a humane and enlightened project. What the BIP calls ‘low-level immigrants’ are European citizens and fellow human beings who share our rights.”

Dove’s latest collection, Twilit Minglings (Burning Eye, 2014 – available from the Canterbury Gazette Bookshop for £8.99) is an extended meditation on people joining and conjoining. The few moral and political poems aside, it is a book of very erotic verse, full of sucks and slurps and squelches. Especially popular among female readers looking for their next Christian Grey, the book’s sales figures have outstripped those of all Dove’s previous books combined.

On 7 May Stella Herbert will be one of the few women in Britain hoping that she and John Dove do not come to a sticky end.

Follow the story as it breaks at http://bit.ly/Stella Europa

Greens Reveal Stella Herbert as South Thanet Candidate

As polls show surge in support for the BIP, Sir Jack Herbert’s daughter says she is “determined to win”

by Shirley Knott

Professor Stella Herbert announces her candidacy in South Thanet

The Green Party sensationally announced this morning that London philosophy professor Stella Herbert will battle British Independence Party leader Nicholas Formio for the South Thanet seat at this May’s general election.

Follow the debate at http://bit.ly/Stella Europa

The Westminster rumour forge has been at full bellows since the sudden withdrawal of previous Green candidate Olivier Davies last week. A glittering array of stellar names have been linked with the vacant Thanet candidacy – but few foresaw that the stellar name would be Stella. Until now, Professor Herbert has not sought the limelight, and there was much scratching of heads in East Kent this evening. A BIP source referred to “some frantic Googling”.

Professor Herbert’s father, Sir Jack Herbert, was one of the towering figures of late-twentieth-century British politics. A champion of social liberalism, a fervent Europhile and a hero of the intellectual left, Herbert held his West Swindon seat for 31 years until his death in 2012. He was a supreme political manoueverer – even Margaret Thatcher referred to him as “Grandmaster Herbert” – who relished his roustabout Commons clashes with the Conservatives on the opposite benches.

Stella Herbert shares her father’s vision, if not his profile. She has been a passionate political commentator and a powerful voice on the liberal left. Unlike Sir Jack Herbert, though, Stella has preferred to remain cushioned in academia. Many are predicting a mauling at the polls for someone with no experience of political dogfights. Why has she now decided to descend from her ivory tower?

The answer may be simple: to join swords with Nicholas Formio. “The Green Party has a substantial policy agenda that promotes Britain’s active place within the family of peaceful nations in Europe,” Herbert told BBC Radio 4’s Today Programme this morning. “The BIP has no policies to put forward on major issues. Nicholas Formio’s misleading and divisive focus on immigration has damaged our public discourse.”

A student of Stella’s who wished to remain anonymous suggested that there might be another factor at play. “John Dove has inspired us all,” he said, referring to the celebrated poet and guest lecturer in Stella’s department. “The grandeur of his vision encompasses the tiniest of human interactions and the greatest sweeps of humanity. He’ll be a game changer for Stella, you wait and see.”

Dove’s latest collection, Mingling at Dawn (Burning Eye, 2014) is available from the Canterbury Gazette bookshop for £8.99.

See more at https://www.facebook.com/creativestructure?fref=ts 

BIP Leader “Unconcerned” About Mystery Election Rival

Formio dismisses “irrelevant publicity stunt” by “hessian brigade” Greens

by Esmé Dupp

Speculation was mounting today over the identity of the Green Party’s candidate for the South Thanet constituency at this May’s General Election. As the Greens promised an announcement “very soon,” the British Independence Party’s Nicholas Formio, who holds a 12-point lead over Labour in the race for the East Kent seat, sipped his pint of Bishops Finger, sparked up a B&H and declared himself “completely relaxed and utterly unconcerned.”

Follow Nicholas Formio’s bid for a seat in Parliament, explore the key issues and take part in voting here: http://bit.ly/StellaEurope

The Green Party leadership announced the withdrawal of previous South Thanet candidate Olivier Davies on Monday but has since remained tight-lipped on his replacement. Reports from unnammed sources within the party describing Davies as a “lightweight” who “struggled to make an impact” fuelled rumours that the new candidate would be a big name.

Angelina Jolie, Alan Titchmarsh, 
Stella Herbert, Vladimir Putin, Kevin Pietersen and Tracey Emin are just some of the many prominent public figures linked with the prestigious vacancy.

South Thanet offers much more than a seat in the Commons. The result on 7 May will be the making or the breaking of Nicholas Formio. If he goes down, the entire British Independence Party may go with him. After a resounding victory in the 2014 European elections, however, Formio is riding the crest of a wave that may sweep him all the way to polling day and beyond.

Formio spoke to a group of journalists in the garden of the Bird In Hand, Cliffsend, then a bit later at the Red Lion, Minster, then a bit further down the road at some other pub and then finally back to Cliffsend for a curry at the Baypoint Balti House.

“The Green Party’s open-door policy on immigration spells disaster for the people of South Thanet and the whole of the United Kingdom,” Formio explained as he swigged his Spitfire Ale. “Why should young British families have to compete with 400 million other people who come from faraway places that happen to be members of the EU?”

“The Green’s Thanet candidate can be Desmond Tutu or Mr. Blobby, for all I care. Their policies are completely barmy. Pint of Whitstable Bay, please. Vote for the Greens, and we’ll all be eating mung bean casserole and riding yoghurt-powered bicycles to compulsory tree-hugging sessions. Who’s got any fags left?”

Meanwhile, the Green Party scheduled a press conference for 10am on Monday 13 April. It is widely expected that the new South Thanet candidate will be revealed then. Latest polls for the constituency have the Greens in fourth place with 3.1% of the vote.

Explore the key issues on April 21st – 25th and take part in voting here: http://bit.ly/StellaEurope